Ways to deal with common relationship stress

Stress trigger No. 1: A growing family
Smart solutions: Couples need to work together to find creative ways to support and appreciate each other through this transition.

• Adjust sleep schedules so that one partner sleeps while the other is awake with the baby.
• When possible, get a friend or relative to occasionally help out at night so mom and dad have some time to cultivate their relationship one-on-one.
• Be aware of the signs of postpartum depression like appetite changes, trouble concentrating, loss of energy, and hopelessness.
• Make activities that promote mental health -- such as exercise and social time -- a top priority.

Stress trigger No. 2: Career changes
Smart solutions: Couples should speak honestly and listen carefully to each other to see if a career change has affected their relationship.

• The partner who is earning less money may struggle with a diminished self-esteem and feel extra sensitive, while the other may feel resentful about being the primary breadwinner. But both partners need to respect the other's role and recognize their situation as shared.
• Find family and friends dealing with this same issue. Talking about shared struggles can help couples gain perspective and give them a chance to feel good about using their experience to help others.
• If one partner is out of work, he or she should be encouraged to pursue a new skill set and stay intellectually and physically active.

Stress trigger No. 3: Intrusive in-laws
Smart solutions: Family members may have their own ideas about everything from how often you should go out to eat to what religion to observe to whether or not it is appropriate for children to appear on national television. And in all likelihood, both sets of grandparents may disagree. But you do not have to end up in a war over whose rules, if any, you will adopt.

• First, listen to your in-laws. But in the end, decide as a couple which rules and guidelines are in your (and your children's) best interest.
• Talk to each other. If one partner is under more scrutiny, it's important that the other listen carefully and that both talk about how they may be affected.
• Present a united front to your extended family. It is crucial that they know you stand together.

Stress trigger No. 4: You pick on each other
Smart solutions: Since the partner who is doing the picking may not even be aware of his or her behavior, the onus in this situation is on the person who feels disrespected.

• In a calm moment, sit your partner down and ask him or her if there is something you have done that is troubling them. Be clear about why you feel mistreated and be specific in your examples.
• If you're the one doing the criticizing, first consider how much actual damage your partner's annoying habit can do.
• Don't give up. It may take some discussion to figure out what is really going on, but in the end it can prevent unnecessary and unproductive conflict.

Stress trigger No. 5: Infidelity
Smart solutions: Don't put yourself in situations that you're not comfortable discussing openly with your partner-- even if they don't technically involve cheating.

• Sit down and talk about what relationships were like in your family when you were growing up. Maybe you're comfortable with your partner going out for lunch at work with a member of the opposite sex, but not for happy hour.
• Don't be constrained by other people's ideas of what is right and wrong. This is a private matter for the couple to agree on.
• If a line has been crossed, you need to decide together if the marriage is salvageable.